Saturday, August 29, 2009

Just How Lame Am I?

Here's a pop quiz, just to see how well you know me.

How sadly, embarrassingly, craptacularly lame am I? So much so that...

A: Not only am I still nursing Matilda (something is in and of itself not a source of embarrassment), but, at 18 months old, I am still nursing her to sleep (that is). From the time she was born, she was in our bedroom, and I've always nursed the babies to sleep when they were little. Zachary took to the pacifier right away, and Ezra decided it was pure gold around his first birthday, but Matilda has never thought it was anything more than slightly amusing--definitely not comforting. Around her first birthday, it seemed like time to put my foot down and insist that she learn to put herself to sleep. But then construction started and Ezra was moved into our bedroom with her for the duration; it was hard enough to get them both to sleep at all, never mind if she was fussy because she didn't get to nurse to sleep. Almost as soon as the construction ended, we left for a vacation--11 days in a pop-up camper together, again not time to insist that she learn to put herself to sleep. Now we're home, and she's in her own room, and it would seem to be the time. But she's decided that now is the time for teething and unexplained diarrhea, plus the fact that my husband fell on some rocks and seriously damaged his shoulder. So anything that leads in the direction of a good night's sleep ranks above theories about parenting. But seriously, at this rate, I'll be having to stop into her kindergarten class to nurse her before rest time. It's getting out of hand.

B: Back in March, I slipped up a flight of stairs and broke my wrist. Fortunately it's my right wrist and I'm left handed. But that was not fun, having to explain over and over again that no, I'm not being mistreated in any way, I honestly fell up a flight of stairs and did this to myself. It's healed fine, but it still gets sore sometimes, especially when it's expected to sit in a position under pressure for more than about ten minutes, like, say, when I'm nursing Matilda to sleep for the second time that night. Then that mother aches like nobody's business, and all I want is to move it so it will stop hurting, but I know that if I do, she will wake up and all hell will break loose. And it's all because I can't climb a flight of stairs like a normal person.

C: I can't boil an egg. I can boil water and put an egg in it and take it out a while later, but no matter what I do, I always end up with slightly soft-boiled eggs that I then have to peel and put in the microwave because, of course, you don't know that it's soft-boiled until you peel it and it feels too soft, and at that point, you're not really going to start the water boiling process all over at the beginning. I honestly feel like I end up pulling out "The Joy of Cooking" every time I want a hard-boiled egg, and it's really ridiculous. Maybe I need to laminate the instructions and tape them to the inside of the refrigerator so that at least I can pretend that I can boil a damn egg without instructions. Or maybe I can try to convince the kids that eggs are supposed to be that way, that there was something wrong with all the hard-boiled eggs they've ever seen and eaten, and that Mommy's way is actually superior in a way she can't quite articulate.

or D: All of the above.

What do you think?

7 comments:

Kami said...

Great post, Kendra! You're not lame. You're just...distracted. I too have fallen up the stairs. Feels pretty jerky, right? Sorry to hear about the wrist. That sucks. But girl, you gotta CUT THAT BABY OFF! (Not your wrist, the nursing.) Take back the night!

Sarah said...

First of all.. you're way more funny than you are lame. Second, do not misinterpret this as my thinking I have a) a clue or b) any real answers to YOUR ... issues. :)

But... I totally nursed Jack until he was 18 months old. To sleep as well. The only reason that ended was because my husband - otr trucker - was home for a week. HE put Jack to bed every night for a week, and that is why he was weaned and learned to sleep in his own bed. I was exhausted, and Jim couldn't miss that part of my exhaustion was due to being braided into and around Jack's darling fingers. He also realized that HE wanted to be the only other person in bed with me (took him a freaking week to realize this apparently!) BUT... you should know that I personally was nursed by my mom until I was 2.5, because NEITHER of my parents were interested in standing up to me. That never changed. I still own them. And furthermore.. if I ever score another baby, I fully intend to nurse them til they're two. If it's strikes every cow in Texas dead.. I make no apology... that's my plan. KILLED me to wean Jack. (Note: next baby will hopefully be the only one in the house... nursing with other little ones...you have my deepest sympathy and admiration!) Jack... he didn't really care. :) I told him the milk was all gone (LIE!) and he'd have to eat what the rest of us were eating. He was like.. "Oh.. ok Mom.. no big deal." NOT in so many words. Of course, he's a little dude. You may have noticed by now how much more logical a little dude can be relative to a cute baby chick. :)

So sorry about your wrist!

I couldn't boil an egg either until I stayed with my G'ma for a month. Dig it: as soon as the water (with the eggs already in it of course) hit the full rolling boil point, she turned off the heat. That was it... left it there til it was room temperature. They were *bloody PERFECT* every single time. G'mas rock. It does, however, take some advance planning.. a bit longer than the standard methodology.

Sorry for the ginormous comment!! Great post!

Kendra said...

Thanks, Kami! I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who's ever fallen up the stairs. I felt like I kept getting the "it's the crazy lady again" looks at the doctor's office! And yes, I like nursing, and I know she'll be our last baby, but between her apparent inability to put herself to sleep and my wrist pain, it's getting to be too much.

Sarah, I'm glad I'm not the only one to have gone through this with "older" babies (I'd dealt with it more or less with the other two, but it was resolved by a year at least). Maybe I will end up having to have my husband to bedtime for a few nights, though it kills me to think of it. (Am I a glutton for punishment or just super controlling?) And I like the egg idea. Sounds like it takes a little time, but at least those are instructions I can handle!

Wendi said...

I think you're much more competent than me. But that might not make you feel any better. Funny, funny post.

Ms. Case said...

D all of the above. Now go buy yourself an egg thermometer thingy that tells you when a hard boiled egg is done. It will be a good investment, no doubt!

Jasmine said...

You are SO not lame. Also... I would have nursed Isaiah to sleep till he was two, had I the chance!

highlyirritable said...

I seriously considered having one of those electric chair lifts put in my house because of all the bruises I've sustained on my shins falling UP stairs.

And hey, don't worry about the eggs - their high in cholesterol anyway.